Sharing our Life

I would like to thank everyone who has been praying for our family. My dad passed away this morning. I was thankful that I was able to be here and that he knew I was here. I appreciate continued prayers for my mom who lost her mate of almost 60 years!

I'm going to take a little break from blogging about my dad. It seems that when I blog something good, a day or two later something not so good happens. I'm tired of the roller coaster, and blogging the ups and downs (although when it's all over, it might be good to look back on it) just seems to make the highs higher and the lows lower. So, I'd just ask for your continued prayers for dad (wisdom for all the health care people looking after him, strength, positive attitude, machines to work like they are supposed to, etc.) and prayers for my mom (it's been 5 weeks since the surgery and she has been at the hospital or rehab place for a minimum of 12-13 hours every day). She's tired, she 2 nd guesses decisions made, and it's just very difficult for her to see dad like this. I'll still do some short updates on facebook (which I think you can see on the blog for those who want to know and aren't on facebook ). If you want to know, feel free to ask.

Or maybe I should say the last 4 weeks! First, I'll tell you about the morning ('cuz you truly can't appreciate Bill until the morning has come and gone!). Mom and I came to the rehab facility around 8:30 this morning. When we came in Dad had the trach mask on (it is a mask that covers the trach tube - it blows oxygen in even though Dad is breathing on his own). He was sitting up in bed, so I thought it was going to be a good start. I went down to get some hot chocolate and when I came back, dad was laying down and had the ventilator back on. When I asked him why, he said it just didn't feel good. I was so disappointed. Again, I just felt like Dad wasn't trying. I truly felt like I was sitting next to my dad watching him die. It definitely isn't a fun feeling. So, for the rest of the morning, we were all pretty sad saps! Then, Bill came! Bill was the RT for the weekend. He was in in the morning, so initially I didn't have a lot of confidence in hi...

Boy, was it an emotional day today. Dad was still in a state of not wanting to do much. The morning and early afternoon consisted of a lot of me telling him that if he wanted to get better and get home, he needed to get up and do what is being asked of him. His normal response was to shake his head no. I even held up pictures of all the grandkids (I'm not against using a guilt trip!!). Even that didn't really work. What seemed to make him think a little is when he shook his head no and I looked at him and said "So, you aren't even going to try, huh?" and then I walked out of the room crying (if I would have known that was going to do the trick, I would have done it a lot earlier!!). So, he promised me he would try! In the late afternoon, he went off the vent for about 4 hours (while he's on the vent he's in a 'weaning' mode so it's not the full ventilator); he did his physical therapy and what I thought was a really huge step, he ASKED (yes, t...

First, I'll start on a positive note - Dad is in a rehab facility and he had a really good day yesterday (Wednesday). And I'm here in Lincoln! However, today was a really rough day. Dad seems to be doing well physically. I can tell he looks better and is able to do more. Mom says the same thing and so do the doctors. Unfortunately, Dad doesn't feel better so it's hard for him to believe he is better. Dad was very down in the dumps today and it came across in his lack of desire to do physical therapy and just his general attitude. He did a lot of writing today (can't talk because of the trach tube) and here are a few of the things he wrote: "What happened to my living will" (as in I shouldn't be like this because someone should have invoked my wishes according to the will). "One more month" (as in I'll give this one more month and if nothing is better . . .) - which hopefully in one more month, he'll be able to see and feel the ...

I got this email from my mom last night and I thought it summed up the day rather well! Ray was sitting in a chair when I arrived this morning - I had an appointment for a flu shot so I was late - he said he'd been sitting for 3 1/2 hours. When PT got him out of the chair they had him stand by the side of the bed for a couple of minutes - then with help on both sides - he took about 3 steps forward and 3 back a couple of times - then he got back in bed. Occupational therapy came in and he did some arm exercises with 1 lb. weights. And - the tube that has been in his chest to relieve the air that was in his chest was closed off and a couple of hours later an xray showed that the lung was still inflated so that tube was removed. One more thing out of the way. If the chest xray still looks okay in the morning the plan is to transfer him to Madonna for more intensive rehab. By tonight he was worn out but think today was a good day! Your prayers, thoughts and hugs are always welco...

But that doesn't mean it's easy! Over the past 2, 3, 4 days it sounds as if Dad has been showing some signs of progress. All the doctors come in very upbeat and tell Mom and Dad how well he is doing. He's been off the vent for several hours each day over the last 2-3 days, he's been sitting up for a few hours each day, etc. However, the progress is much too slow for those personally involved (aka mom and dad and maybe even me). I think Dad was slightly discouraged this morning. He's so weak and it's hard for him to get motivated to do things; however, if he doesn't do exercises, he will remain weak. It's just a vicious circle! I'm so excited to go up there next week. I told my mom that it would either perk dad up or stress him out (I'm hoping it'll perk him up!!). I feel that if I can see him myself, I'll be able to see the progress and hopefully help them see it. I appreciate you sharing in my story! I appreciate your prayers! ...

A little more good news?? Dad seems to be making some really good progress (PTL!). Yesterday he was up in a chair with no ventilator attached for about 4 hours. Mom called yesterday around noon to let me know and she sounded so encouraged!! He didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, but mom said he’s off the ventilator for now this morning and reading the paper. Soon, they’ll get him up in the chair and hopefully for a short walk. I’m praying that he’s turned the corner! Prayers still for strength, patience and wisdom for the doctors. Thank you!

I almost hate to post this, because it sometimes seems that when I post something good, it changes rather quickly! But, my mom called me on my cell during ELO today. When I saw it was her, my heart dropped. She just doesn't normally do that. Fortunately, it was good news! Dad had been sitting up in a chair for about 3 1/2 hours this morning. He hasn't actually sat up in a chair for probably 2 weeks. He also is currently off the ventilator. He just has a regular oxygen tube attached to his trach tube. He seems to be in relatively good spirits. It seems like there's been lots of little baby steps in the right direction (although it was nothing we could really see - the doctors were just telling us that). Today, seems like a step in the right direction that is more visible to us! It was good to hear Mom's voice - she sounded encouraged. Again, I know Dad is not out of the woods and he has a long road ahead of him. I'll be anxious to go up and see them nex...

I was in Nebraska sitting in the surgery waiting room. I was with my mom and brother. We were passing the time talking, playing cards, and drinking hot chocolate. I don't think anyone really spoke it, but I think we all thought that the most serious part of this whole thing was the surgery. If dad made it through the surgery, then all would be fine. Never in our wildest dreams, did any of us think that the recovery would be so tough. Here it is, 3 weeks later, and Dad is still in ICU. He's made baby steps forward, but it seems that most of his recovery has been 'status quo '. We had a bit of reprieve when they moved him from the ICU to a modified cardiac care room. It seemed like that was a good sign and he was on the road to recovery. I felt comfortable leaving and coming back to Texas. However, he was only there for about 2 1/2 days before they moved him back to ICU and put in the ventilator. Hind sight being 20/20, it possibly wasn't such a good idea that he yank...

Having a sick, aging parent is like a roller coaster ride (for me anyway). Part of it is the helplessness because there's nothing I can do. Part of it is being so far away and not being able to see for myself the things that are going on. Dad seemed to have a relatively good weekend. He is still hooked up to the ventilator via a trach tube. However, he was off the ventilator for about 7 hours on Saturday before they put him back on it. He was off for a while on Sunday, but I don't think for as long. All in all, he seemed to have a pretty good weekend. This morning I talked with mom and she said that Dad had a very restless night. He didn't get much sleep and this morning he wanted to take some of the many tubes out. I could tell in mom's voice that she was discouraged. She's usually fairly upbeat in the morning and she definitely wasn't today. Now I'm sure a lot of that is from pure exhaustion and some of it is from things just not moving like she/...

I just talked with mom this morning and Dad's lung doctor came in and told dad that he is doing so much better! Although the trach is still in, the ventilator has been turned off. Dad is breathing on his own! Even before the surgery and whenever he's tried to breath on his own after the surgery, he's struggled trying to get deep breaths. So when Dad asked the question, "Am I breathing on my own?", that said a lot to me. For me it almost sounded like he wasn't struggling so he was surprised that he was breathing on his own. What an answer to prayer! Again, I still know he has a long road ahead of him. I'm hopeful that once he starts sitting up more and doing more things, that he won't struggle breathing - time will tell on that. For now, I'm rejoicing in the moment. The doctor also said they may 'kick him out' by the end of the week! He would go to a rehab place before going home, but to hear those words - again, sweet! Who would h...

It seems like the last almost 3 weeks, Dad has basically been the same - not doing well; vent in, vent out, vent back in, etc. etc. This morning, he was quite upset about getting a feeding tube put in. By this evening, although still not thrilled with it, he seems to understand it's to help with his recovery and not a life-sustaining measure. I talked to mom tonight and it seems for the first time in almost 3 weeks, her spirits are a little better. I know she is exhausted and I know she has 2nd-guessed some of the decisions that have been made, but it seems like today has been a slightly better day. The cute thing she told me that happened today is that before she left she was sitting in Dad's room reading the paper and she heard a tap on the side of the bed (since Dad can't talk because of the trach, that's how he gets her attention). She looked up and he motioned her to come over. She asked what he needed and he smacked his lips for a kiss! She complied and then...

I was wrong in my post yesterday - the feeding tube went in the morning. As I predicted, Dad was not thrilled with that. He can't talk because of the tracheotomy, but they have a board in his room so he can point out letters. Mom told me he pointed at the W and the I and then he was too tired to finish. She assumes he is referring to his living will where it's very clear there should be no heroic measures. Both mom and the nurse assured him that it is to get lots of calories and nutrition in him so he can get stronger. Once he was told that, he seemed to calm down a bit. I reassured mom that she was doing everything exactly right and for her to reassure dad that it is temporary. Hopefully he'll be satisfied with that and hopefully he'll get lots of calories and nutrition so he can get stronger. So, prayers for mom to remain steadfast in what she's doing to help dad in his recovery and for dad to be patient and reassured that it's not 'heroic life sav...

In a nutshell - the trach tube is in, the feeding tube is in, and the ventilator is out. So, in my mind that is good news; we'll see how dad feels about it. He's been very clear for a very long time that there should be no heroic measures to prolong his life. Personally, I don't think this is anything other than trying to get his recovery in full swing. He may have other ideas - he is quite stubborn (hmmm, maybe that's where I get it from?!). The doctor told mom this morning that his right lung was collapsed in 3 different spots (hmm, think that's why he has trouble getting his breath?). They inserted a bigger tube in his chest to take care of that and by this afternoon, it was somewhat better. They were hoping to have most of the sedation off so he could sit up in bed a little more. He wants to watch the Nebraska/Missouri game (he's got his priorities straight!!). Thanks for your prayers! Specifically, I ask for prayers that Dad's lungs could conti...

I'm sad to say that I spoke too soon with my previous post. The hospital called mom while I was talking with her tonight and Dad is back on the ventilator. He’s just having such a hard time breathing. Thanks for your continued prayers.

24 hours ago, I never thought this particular post was possible today. However, all I can say is WOW - God is good. Mom called and said that they took dad off the ventilator this morning around 10:30 and so far seems to be taking it well (no tracheoscomy). He is very weak, but they have him in a more upright position in bed. His first request was for rootbeer!! :) I know he is far from out of the woods! He's been off the ventilator once before and then had to go back on it. I'm cautiously optimistic that he won't have to go back on it again. I was actually able to talk to him (he just listened) for a few seconds this morning (good for a daughter's heart, for sure!) I appreciate your prayers so much! If you think about, I would just ask for continued prayers for his lungs to work like they are supposed to and for him to regain his strength! P.S. Stephanie - thanks for your words of encouragement and verses!

But I guess I'm going to be! The 2 procedures ( cardioversion and tracheoscomy ) that were to be done today didn't get done. Apparently the doctors can't get together to get the timing of it all figured out. What a frustrating day for my mom. With that being said, my mom said something to me that just made be sad and more worried than I have been. Not really sure if this is the forum to share it in, but I'm going to anyway. Although I don't think too many folks read this, I figure the more people sending up prayers, the better. The doctor or one of the nurses said to mom that they want dad to be a little more alert so he knows what's going on. I think they've been keeping him mildly sedated to make him more comfortable while he's on the ventilator. So, anyway, apparently they want him to understand what they might be doing with the tracheoscomy . Mom said that she's pretty sure that if he's given the choice, he'll say take the ventilator out...

Just talked to Mom. Dad's heart is out of sync, so they are doing a cardioversion to 'shock' it back into rhythm. Once they do they, it sounded as if they would go ahead with the tracheostomy . There have been some things that have come and gone (blood in stomach that they are contributing to a stress ulcer; low platelets which are now back in the normal range; potential blood clot that turned out not to be). Once the tracheostomy is in, I believe the ventilator will come off. I'd just ask for your prayers for all the procedures that Dad is going through, wisdom for the doctors, and a complete recovery. No one was prepared for this type of a recovery. We all felt that if Dad make it through the surgery (which was 2 weeks ago tomorrow), that everything else would be OK. I'd also ask for prayers for patience for all of us (especially mom and dad) during the recovery process. We all want to see results now, and it obviously isn't happening the way we want ...

The lung doctor yesterday said that dad had air outside his lungs and that is why he was having such a difficult time breathing on his own. They inserted a chest tube (I think) to try to get the air out (that was yesterday). I just got a call from mom and the lung doctor said that not enough air got out to really help. She said that they would give it until over the weekend and then take a look on Monday. If not enough air has gotten out, she is proposing a tracheoscopy (as I understood mom they would make a small incision into the trachea, which I thought was a tracheotomy, so I’m not exactly sure). Then the doctor said if they did that, Dad would need to be on a feeding tube (it sounded as if that worked, they would take him off the ventilator). It was hard to tell with my short conversation with mom how long they thought that would last. If it is a temporary thing, that might be OK; if it’s long term, I know dad wouldn ’t want that. So, I would just ask for your prayers for ...

My mom just called and Dad is headed to have a cat scan of his lungs. They see that he has air on the outside of his lungs which is making it impossible for his lungs to inflate on their own. I'd just ask your prayers for answers and healing!

I have so much to blog about and it just seems like to little time! But, I did want to update on my dad. In my previous post, I think I mentioned that Dad yanked out his breathing tube. Although it was hard for him to get some good deep breaths, he appeared to be managing. He had surgery on Tuesday, the 22nd, and on Saturday (the 26th), they moved him from ICU to a modified cardiac room. We were very pleased. I felt good enough that the kids and I could come home. We left on Sunday afternoon and stayed in Tulsa (I just couldn't quite finish the drive) and arrived home on Monday afternoon (after a trip to Taylor Medical - that's another blog post!). On Tuesday morning, my mom called and said that Dad was having such a difficult time breathing that the doctors decided to move him back to ICU and re-insert the breathing tube. He's had some lung issues and it just appears that his lungs didn't handle the surgery very well (his heart valve and his heart in general seem...