Rough Day
First, I'll start on a positive note - Dad is in a rehab facility and he had a really good day yesterday (Wednesday). And I'm here in Lincoln!
However, today was a really rough day. Dad seems to be doing well physically. I can tell he looks better and is able to do more. Mom says the same thing and so do the doctors. Unfortunately, Dad doesn't feel better so it's hard for him to believe he is better. Dad was very down in the dumps today and it came across in his lack of desire to do physical therapy and just his general attitude.
He did a lot of writing today (can't talk because of the trach tube) and here are a few of the things he wrote:
"What happened to my living will" (as in I shouldn't be like this because someone should have invoked my wishes according to the will).
"One more month" (as in I'll give this one more month and if nothing is better . . .) - which hopefully in one more month, he'll be able to see and feel the improvement!
"I don't think I'll make it through the night" (when he said this he was having difficulty breathing).
And finally, the one that got me the most "if there was an end of life button, I'd push it". The only good thing is that I asked him if he would have pushed it yesterday and he said no.
It breaks my heart to know that my dad is having such a difficult time. I'm prayerful that this was a fluke and that he'll get a good nights sleep and have a better disposition tomorrow. He asked mom to stay with him tonight, so the nurses brought in a recliner for her.
Prayers for patience for my dad (not one of his better virtues) and for him to be less anxious about the things that are going on. And just prayers for the things I don't know how to express. Thanks!
However, today was a really rough day. Dad seems to be doing well physically. I can tell he looks better and is able to do more. Mom says the same thing and so do the doctors. Unfortunately, Dad doesn't feel better so it's hard for him to believe he is better. Dad was very down in the dumps today and it came across in his lack of desire to do physical therapy and just his general attitude.
He did a lot of writing today (can't talk because of the trach tube) and here are a few of the things he wrote:
"What happened to my living will" (as in I shouldn't be like this because someone should have invoked my wishes according to the will).
"One more month" (as in I'll give this one more month and if nothing is better . . .) - which hopefully in one more month, he'll be able to see and feel the improvement!
"I don't think I'll make it through the night" (when he said this he was having difficulty breathing).
And finally, the one that got me the most "if there was an end of life button, I'd push it". The only good thing is that I asked him if he would have pushed it yesterday and he said no.
It breaks my heart to know that my dad is having such a difficult time. I'm prayerful that this was a fluke and that he'll get a good nights sleep and have a better disposition tomorrow. He asked mom to stay with him tonight, so the nurses brought in a recliner for her.
Prayers for patience for my dad (not one of his better virtues) and for him to be less anxious about the things that are going on. And just prayers for the things I don't know how to express. Thanks!
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